I have posted several blog posts in Finnish but since I have many international friends and followers I wanted to try this in English. This is not the easiest thing to do but, I want to give it a try and I think its's going to be rewarding for me and you.
As many of you know, I tore my achilles one and a half week ago in European championships in Romania. I didn't have any problems with achilles before so it was really unexpected to have this tragical ending for my competition.
This spring felt quite good compared to two previous years, when I had to fight my way back from knee injuries. Now I had more time to concentrate on my skills than on pain. I had two really good camps and tree competitions before Euros. In Baku world cup I really enjoyed and I felt confident to go on the season. All the preparation before Euros went well (except for increasing shin splint I started to have after Baku). That's why I had to limit the amount of jumping, and it got better just before we left for Romania. My goal was to make it to AA-finals. (No one of Finnish gymnasts has made it since year 2002).
We arrived in Cluji-Napoca on Sunday 16th of April after travelling the whole day. First we had flied to Budapest and had seven hours bus drive from there to Cluji. On Monday's training I still felt suprisingly good and light. All my skills were easy to do and I felt ready for Tuesdays podium training. On Tuesday, my good bubble already broke a little, when I hurt my elbow when I fell Tkatshev from bars in training hall before going to podium. I tried to figure out if I could even go to podium that day or compete after two days. Even I had pain in the elbow whenever I swang my hand or turned my wrist, I decided to go even for feel the apparatus, because this would be the only time to get some touch for apparatus on the arena before the big day. Finally, I was happy I did my beam routine without flick-layout and full floor routine including two doubles that went really well. Vault i passed and on bars I only did some basic elements.
Usually the last day before competition is quite easy and stressles session, just to get your body ready and your mind calm and determined. This Wednesday I had some more pressure because I had to do everything on bars and vault to prove myself that my elbow was just fine. Luckily I noticed I could do all my skills without major pain. Then I started to tell myself again that, I just have to do my job now and result will come.
I was lucky to have such a good company as Maija was another female gymnast from Finland and we also had good mens team and we are all friends. Wednesday evening and Thursday morning were easygoing and fun. We competed in the last subdivision that started 6:30 pm. Before that we had time for some morning warm-up, chatting, taking photos for our sponsors and doing our hair and make-up very carefully. Never have I ever been this confident, happy and calm just before big competition. Our warm-up started on floor and there I felt something in my achilles when I took off for the double. I asked our physio to tape it with kinesio and he did. It seemed helping, as I didn't feel pain in vault warm up.
We started the competition on beam. I didn't fall but I knew it wasn't my best performance either. That's what always makes me even more determined on the next apparatus. I was the last performer on beam and I had to rush for 30sec. warm-up on floor. I felt I just got in the right competition mood and felt easy doing my tumbling. I did front twist, double pike, and double tuck. After I landed it, I rolled to my back and crabbed my foot. Something was wrong. Quickly I said to my coach who was next to me: " It's torn". He said: "What is torn?" "Achilles", I answered. It snapped already in take off, but I was very lucky I was able to do the whole element, and my coach also helped me to rotate it even though the double was a bit lower than normally. And he took me from the floor and carried me down for medical people to take care of me. They put me on strechter and took me to side of the arena. All the people in the audience were clapping and paying attention. As bad as injury felt, my dream crushed in a millisecond, the crowd made me feel loved and important too.
One dream had been taken from me and suddenly I was in the middle of another. This one was more like a nightmare but I didn't feel it yet as I didn't let my real feelings to come. I was protecting myself because I had gone trough this with the both of my knees and I tought this time I could just skip the grieveing part. So when they took me to hospital I was mostly just smiling for the jokes I heard and thinking how weird is life. I had questions like Why? and Why and Why?? And what was also ridicolous, that two days ago I had been in the same Romanian hospital with my elbow just to make sure there is not a little fracture from falling in the podium training. I was almost embarrassed of that. And it's good that there wasn't, but now, I had a little bigger problem I came with. And I think this injury doesn't even have anything to do with anoter one.
When after few hours, I got back to hotel and met my friends, I cried for the first time and let little of the feelings out. All the support I got from my team was needed and I appreciate it very very much. Luckily we had also a good psysio with us who helped when needed. Also I had lovely messages and comments online that made me feel better and gave me some more faith. Maija, I want to thank you for the perspective I got from our deep conversations and I appreciate the connection we have built. After the competition I felt the love of this big international gymnastics family around me. It's very powerful and keeps me going. Also in Finland my dear parents, brothers and friends have been there for me. What would I do without you all?
Now I can't spent much time training, so I will use it resting, working on my bachelor degree in public health science at university. This is time for making my life even more how I want it to be, when after 6 months I'm able to do again this beautiful sport. This time is something God knew I needed, even though I didn't know that and I had a different plan. Plans change, life is weird and I don't know yet what this was for but I will figure it out.
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